Genuine Friendship

Hello again,


I wanted to share an experience I had over the holidays.

The Email that Started it All

Before leaving the city I had written an email to a friend that I felt quite distant from. In the email I shared that I wondered what happened to our friendship because at one point we were inseparable. I wanted to know what really happened to us and if we could go on being friends.

The Response

I received a response from her on Christmas day stating that she was shocked and touched by my email. She said we were on the same page in wondering what happened to our friendship. To my surprise she also shared her hurt and disappointment with how our friendship had played out stating that there were things said and done by me that showed her I didn't care about her or our friendship. She also mentioned that she would rather talk things out than email noting that it seems that over time email has become the communication tool of choice rather than picking up a phone to hear how one was really doing. She questioned if I really cared enough to call about day to day affairs instead of having a 'good news only' relationship meaning we only touched based (via email) to share good news in our lives. After reading her email, I really wanted to talk with her face to face. I really wanted to know what I had said to hurt her. So while in Toronto, I connected with her and we agreed to meet.

The Meeting

We met at her home and were able to catch up on life achievements and placements. Then we got into the meat of why we came together. She shared her heart...so honestly that I thought this is refreshing. We both had expectations that our friendship would continue for a long time but things just didn't go that way and our expectations were never communicated to each other. So we drifted...

My side of the story

I explained to her that over the last little while I was realizing that I didn't know how to love people and maintain relationships properly; that I really didn't know how to be a good friend. I admit to being a surfacy person- asking "how are you?" and not really caring in my heart to hear the response or act upon the response if necessary. I explained that I had been taught incorrectly especially as it pertained to being caught up in religion and not really living out a life of faith or true Christianity. This brought another level to the conversation.

Bad Christianity

She began to talk about the change noted in me when I had shared my faith in God. She couldn't understand why this journey couldn't be shared with her. She asked "if I was in such darkness,why couldn' t you be my light?!" Wow what a question! That was and will be the memory point of the meeting. She showed me how I had judged her without really knowing it and condemned her for not being like me. How I had made her feel less than because I had some new found enlightenment and she didn't. Boy was I wrong and disgustingly religious. She ended up sharing with me the things I said that hurt her. Can you imagine someone having something I said to them replaying in their ears for almost ten years causing them pain?

The Revelation

I really hurt her and that wasn't right. That's not what friends do! That's not what true Christians do! I was and am in no way better than her because I have chosen to believe in Jesus. My job was always to be a good friend regardless of whether we believed the same things or not. I apologized for hurting her and we agreed to work at our friendship. I want her in my life and I want to be there for her whenever she needs me. I want to be a good friend! I want to love unconditionally!

The Conclusion of the Whole Thing

In my first entry I mentioned that I want to be a genuine person. Well this encounter has shown me that the way to be more genuine is to care and care deeply about what others are going through in good and bad times. It's also to watch what I say and to not hurt with my words or think of myself as better than anyone else. As my friend said, we were all born equal - this says to me that everyone deserves love! You know at one time I threw away a lot of people and immersed myself in church (religion)...I was so wrong! I apologize to all those who I may have hurt because of decisions I had made. I want to say now that I am a changed person and still growing everyday so bare with me. I can't guarantee that I'll never disappoint another friend but I am definitely open to correction and open to going the distance with relationships.

I just want to encourage others who want genuine relationships but are afraid to go the distance that really there is no reason to fear when you love. I know it's not easy to be honest or to love but it's definitely worth it. My life definitely feels more fulfilled because of this experience.

Anyways, thanks for reading. Until my next post, take care.